I hate my facial hair so fucking much.

shave it the fuck off

Actually, for once someone was talking about sexing up someone other than you.

Style it into awesomeness. Unless you have that three-hair chinaman chin thing going, take what you've got and be a dude.

yeah, i'm aware, i'm not retarded. i was just throwing it out there.

I find it safest to assume that when a woman is on her period she is very retarded. Retarded with hormones.

i can't argue with that

Thank you for being an honest woman.

The people on Amazing Race are stupid with a capital S.

well, yeah. they tried out for the amazing race. isn't that enough of a clue?

i'm in a fight with my boyfriend.

it sucks.

PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS

no-- don't do that-- it might make bad things permanent!

I had a severe panic attack earlier.

Pix or it didn't happen.

I fuckin locked myself outofmycar

I locked my keys in the trunk once...and it was a car that did not have the latch inside to open it. I had to fish them out from a hole behind the backseat with a magnet tied to some string.

I missed the tit-tays

Everybody is sick at my work and I'm as well.
My chest hurts bad.

I'm hungry!

i had my first full on panic attack yesterday. i always thought people were over exaggerating the shit, but they're no joke.