Cantankerous started to lick her fingers to wash off the blood from the cat.

The angel took off his halo, and tried to toss it hoopla style over a theremin that was sat in the corner of the room.

Thurston picked up one of his guitars and handed it to Coco, who then pummled the life juice out of Cantankerous with it, but even after that the girl (cantankerous) got up and kept licking her fingers, it at once known to all why her name was so.

Kim then walked quietly to the kitchen to get a rusty bread knife.

Unfortunately, all the rusty bread knifes had been taken by Steve-O, who happened to be in the neighbourhood.

"Never mind," thought Kim, "I'll use that halo that's lying on the floor by the theremin."

She picked it up and rushed towards the cat killer, swinging wildly.

Cantankerous bent down to pick up the cat's tail, which she had dropped earlier.

Bizarrely, inside the cat's ass, she noticed a rolled-up piece of paper, apparantly with writing on it.

She unrolled the piece of paper.

A map!

It gave directions to Toilet and Bowels' home in England, clearly stating the street name and house number.

Cantankerous ran out of the house to the airport to catch the first plane to England, but, unfortunately, being American, immediately met a problem because she did not know where England was.

'Aw shucks!'

Fortunately for her, Michael Caine was at the airport, coincidentally, and showed her the way to England, "Right that way, young lady," with a wink.

She had difficulties getting through customs though. They did a strip search, which she gladly allowed.

'What's this piece of paper, sweetie, and why does it look like a map, and why does it appear to have little bits of brown stuff on it?'

"Uh, yeah," said Cantankerous.

Cantankerous kicked the customs officer in the kneecap, picked up her Barbie rucksack, and ran as fast as her little legs would carry her.



(By the way, I used to live around the corner from Michael Caine)

She ran into sonicl, Michael Caine's ex-neighbour; and said, "Know how I can get out of this one?"

"Drink this potion", said sonicl.

She drank it down and in an instant, she became invisible.

Cantankerous cried for a moment at the thought that no-one would be able to see her beauty, but then giggled at the thought of being able to pinch peoples' bottoms unnoticed.

Within ten minutes of being invisible, she had pickpocketed 40 people and was on her way to London.

'You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,
You've got to pick a pocket or two.'

In London, the late Ron Moody span in his grave.

A faint cry of 'urghhhhhhhhhhh' seemed to come from the ground in the cemetary.

The necrophiliac who had been trying to dig up the grave gave up his work, disappointed at the thought of unearthing a live person instead of a corpse.

He walked off, listening to 'Just so you Know' on his mp3 player, as a finger poked it's way through the earth.

Mark E Smith saw the finger poking through the earth, and asked himself, "What-ah the fuck am I doing in London-ah, with the finger of a Victorian thief-ah poking through the ground-ah?"

Then he began humming, 'Zombie Victorian pickpockets, zombie victorian pickpockets-uh, back from the grave in the city-uh' and realised that there was the possibility of a song there.

it started to grow darker and rain fell from a imposing sky

A shadowy figure walked past the cemetery gates, carrying an ironing board.

'Muddy zombie victorian pickpockets, muddy zombie victorian pickpockets-uh, back from the grave in the city-uh, leaving dirty footprints on the pavement-uh'

A second shadowy figure passed, carrying a Sainsburys carrier bag.

A visit to the reduced section had yielded impressive results; cream cakes, fresh vegetables, a small block of cheese and a pizza all for £1.74.

Toilet and Bowels sure knew how to entertain a lady.

'Oh yes, everything's groovey and someone's gonna score tonight, gonna impress that lady and shes gonna OH HOLY YOIKES A ZOMBIE!'

The zombie walked stiffly towards Toilet & Bowels, its arms outstretched, and asked "Won't you walk with me a while?"

A bus went by, splashing water across the pavement.