the overheard conversation thread
 

in the grocery store the other day, by the fresh vegetables a woman was reaching for a cucumber when the sprinklers came on. she says to her friend,

"ah! i hate it when that happens!"

"what's wrong?"

"it got me all wet!"

"it's just water - it's not going to kill you."

[mock seductively] "yeah - but it gets me all wet."

girl in hyde park leeds to another girl:

'i think they are all gorgous'
'what all of them'?
'yes and i am going to have them all'
'you cant have all of them'
'yes i can, i am only in the first year'
'yeh but you cant sleep with the whole football team'
'yeh i can! have you seen them all'?

I already replied to this same thread on the noise board but I'll paste it here.

Last night, I heard this fat black chick going, "WELL, MY PROBATION OFFICER DIDN'T CARE!"

I work in a grocery store so as you can imagine I hear all kinds of scummy things...

One of my favorites was this total weirdo Charles Manson looking dude coming in at 4 AM and asking me if we have any anhydrous ammonia.. I said "no" and he stared at me, wordless, for about a minute.. and walked off...

Also, a few months back, I saw a chick stuffing a full loaf of bread down her sweatpants...

One of the weirder things that has happened recently was a customer came over and starting working with me, he put up a few of my boxes of stuff (I work in the frozen foods area) and then walked by me and I noticed he had done that and was like, "uh.. thanks man..?!" (you know, because it doesn't really make sense for a customer to do my work for me) And he turned around, gave me this cool, like, gun-shaped finger-point at me and went, "No prob!" and then made a *click* sound from his gun-shaped finger.. if you know what I mean. The fuck.

One time, I heard a chick saying into her cellphone, "Well, maybe you should go shoot her face then!" I always wondered if she was talking about cum, a gun, or a camera being shot..

Uh.. that's all I can think of right now.

"No, no, on the computer. Yes. Windows on the computer. No, not the actual window... Windows is the name of the programme on the computer..."

I stopped listening then.

me on the phone with an idiot

"OK, just make sure to turn your monitor off"

(them) "Monitor?"

"Yes, the monitor. Make sure it is turned off, the on/off button is on the lower right."

"ooooooohhh-kay....the monitor under my desk right?"

"No. The monitor, the 'TV' that is your computer screen."

"I don't have a TV Roberto!"

"OK, I'll be right there."



stupid shit like this Happens WAY TOO OFTEN

"Who threw that ham at me?"

here's a website dedicated to overheard conversations:

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

''Hello, ..... reservations, can i help?''

''Yes, ermmmmmmm, I would like to book a table for 2 people in the ......... for the 12th of July, ermmmmm, let me check the date, one moment.''

''No problem.''

''Yes, it's the 12th of July for 2 people.''

''Sure, what time would you like the table for?''

''Ermmm, the play I think starts at 7:30 pm, so what do you suggest?''

'' I'd say 6:00 pm, it's the popular time slot for people who watch the plays that start at 7:30 pm.''

''That's fine.''

''It'll be one moment, please.''

''Thanks.''

''Right, so that's 2 people at 6:00 pm on the 12th of July in the ........''

''Thanks.''

''Thank you and we'll see you then.''

''Bye.''

''Goodbye.''

Hmm - perhaps I don't get it.

I cut out the name of the place I'm taking the booking for. Duh!

"so he put out these tattoo videos, for people to like, tattoo themselves at home"

"yeah"

"i think he was just a junkie looking for his next fix"

"ha ha ha ha, did you learn anything"

"naaa, but the vietnamese kids in the demonstrations certainly did"

"yuck"

"yeah, i know"

"is that hurting"

"no, its not too bad"

"you know a tattoo on your ribs is going to hurt a lot too, maybe not as much as this"

"hmmmmmmmmmmmm"

Your conversation ain't funny. DUH!

hilarious

a drunken Princeton alum stumbling to his car from a renunion on campus with the help of his wife -

"Our kids are NOT going here."

MY BARTENDER WAS ON METH TODAY

she denied me drink and i had to speak to the manager

she was a worn-out truckdrivers wife

she was likely on meth but i am incapable of providing soundtrack

"I've been here less than 24 hours and I've already gotten off with a Deptford special"

I once heard a middle aged man in a suit on the phone saying "Do you remember Mrs (I can't remember the name now)? She had an organ in her back room."

I don't think he realised the sexual innuendo.

"oh my god it's EVERYWHERE"

Man on the phone, working at a store I was in:
"Just send me the papers or I'm going to get really fucking mad. I'm fucking sick of this, I just want you to send the god damn papers."

Kid I know, talking to some other kid:
Yeah I used to live on the street, I had a big problem with crack."
(That is pure bull by the way...)

My teacher:
"Hey it's me, I'm not feeling well so I wont be coming in today... HAHAHA! Yeah, I'm just kidding. HAHAHA! So do you have any news?"

Who gives a shit. It wasn't meant to be. DUH DUH!

at a fastfood restaurant between two old men in two separate booths:

Hey Lonnie I have a serious question to ask you.

What's that?

Well I have a nice window unit a/c that I have and I want to sell it cheap.

I don't need an a/c though.

Well I figured that you could ask one of yr friends since they are all in hell.

Haha! Old men are fucking hilarious!

I always jump into people's conversations that I overhear and it always pisses people off, or gets me a weird look.

Oh, I get it - it was a post that wasn't meant to be funny or weird or interesting. Now it all makes sense. Yup, I guess I'm just a dope.

I'll only ever join in if I'm really offended, which probably makes people think I'm a crazy bitch haha.

Since none of my friend's go to my school and I don't really talk to anyone there, all I do is listen to people talking. Nothing is really sticking out right now though, so I'll have to think about some of the dumb conversations.

"Some fucking kid on a bike just ran into my pile of dry wall at the end of the drive way, smashed it all to bits. What a fucking gnome! He was riding along talking to his friend, not looking where he was going and WAM! bashes into it. GOH GOH GOH GOH GOH! Stupid fucking teenagers! What a fucking gnome! GOH GOH GOH GOH!"

By the way, GOH GOH is my dads way of imitating a retarded laugh.

i dont know if this belongs here but i work in a call centre and the two best questions i have ever been asked are 'is elvis still dead?' and 'does the national space centre have a room where you can float about like you are in space?'

well???

does it???

My next post on the sonic gossip section is going to be one that I have been especially pondering over for your personal approval.

Always?
When I do this, it usually goes okay, sometimes really well.

The topic does not specify that replies be funny or humor-specific, you're quite right.

i recounted that time from years ago at a break at work before...

smoking outside on the steps of the office suite

two new hires were discussing about how much fun it was to torture some cat

they were talking about it openly with several people in earshot who could easily overhear their conversation

after about a nonstop minute of them howling over it, I piped-up, chewed 'em the fuck out...

they finished out the shift that night, but never came back.

the national space centre does indeed have an anti gravity room. AND a time machine.

but the loch ness monster uses it most of the time. fortunately the end of the rainbow is in the gift shop, so that pulls in the tourists. YOU DUMB BASTARD

(the customer. not you. im pretty sure you were joking)

tell them that NASA also has a room where they keep alien sex slaves for our human cocks to penetrate

Are you the boss?

What fuckers, someone should torture them :(

I wasn't the boss, but I was the top salesperson. They didn't know that necessarily either.

Dwight K. Schrute haha (oh that's right, scratch that-- Dwight killed Angela's cat...)

I think they may have asked if I was the boss or not during the altercation. I emphatically suggested that no one wanted to hear about their cat torture, that it was reprehensible and how could they possibly think that people could stand to overhear such a conversation. I'm pretty sure I called them "sociopaths" and worked that word in somewhere in my tirade. The reason I think they also asked if I was the boss is because I vaguely remember telling them that no, I wasn't, but that I would make sure that they wouldn't be working there anyway! ha for a moment they posed like they wanted to fight.

I think they didn't like the job after one day, knew they weren't going to be able to fit in/hack it. And me getting in their faces worked to discourage them further from coming back. Which was a relief, because I didn't want anything to escalate with those knuckleheads anyway.

Seriously.

If I had to see someone like them everyday I would go crazy.

OVERHEARD ON A TRAM....

Public transport is always a gold mine for overheard conversations. This was about a week ago. Three stoners on a tram (no - I wasn't one of them) discussing the previous night's events.

FAT GUY: (To SKINNY GUY) Hey, what was up with your mate, last night?

SKINNY GUY: Who, Dave?

FAT GUY: Yeah. Is he gay or what?

THE JOCK: I think he is. It's common knowledge.

SKINNY GUY: Okay. So?

THE JOCK: (To FAT GUY) Do you want him? Is that it?

FAT GUY: No man! Shit! I can't believe I shared a bong with a faggot!

SKINNY GUY: Geeze man, what's your problem?

FAT GUY: I don't like poofs! I shoot poofs - with a gun!

(Slight Pause)

FAT GUY: (To SKINNY GUY) You're not a fag, are you?

SKINNY GUY: (Mockingly Camp) Well er .... I have been known to swing from time to time.

(SKINNY GUY and THE JOCK laugh. FAT GUY sulks)

I had to get off soon after that. That fat dude was fucked!

Downtown, one saturday, last century...

Three women : a mother with her daughters; on her left, a 12 years old, on her right, a 16 years old or so, wearing a tiny tiny white skirt.

Come two men in their mid-twenties. They pass by the women, chuckle, whistle, and carry on walking up the street.
The 16 years old shyly turns around, but they keep laughing and have stopped paying attention to her.

The mother, sad and quiet :
- Is that how you imagine finding happiness?

The 16 y.o., in a faint voice :
- Yes...

The 12 y.o. was trying to have a look at her sister. In her eyes sadness and a desire to understand her sister.

I'm usually too much in my own head to remember the conversations in a bus but I'll try to remember to remember overheard conversations.